Thursday, December 1, 2011

Riding in Cars with Boys - Part Fifteen

I know, I know. It's been way too long without an episode of Riding in Cars with Boys. Lately, it's been 90% video game talk and well...I'll admit most of it is unintelligible to me seeing as how I speak very little Area of Effect, Hit Points and Critical Damage.

Right before I left for school to pick up the boys, I got these texts from Killian.

Half an hour later, I pulled into the school parking lot and the boys piled into to the car along with a new blond kid I'd never seen before.

Justin: Good. I see you've brought the Bag of Holding. We'll be needing that for body hiding.

Me: (Peering at the poufy haired blond in my backseat) So...introductions?

Justin: This is Zach. He lives kinda by me and I told him you wouldn't mind bringing him home. Is that cool?

Me: Yeah, that's fine.

Justin: This is Mrs. Killian's Mommy, the coolest mother you will ever meet. Ever.

Me: I'd like that on a shirt, please.

Not Kevin: That can be arranged.

Zach: Nice to meet you. (Turns to Justin) Dude...did you just throw your own mom under a bus.

Justin: Yes. Because my mom is batshit crazy. And so is she, but in a totally good way. You'll see.

Me: And that's why I'm adopting you. Okay, so back to the whole body hiding thing. I assume this involves a girl?

Killian: But of course.

Justin: Her name is Meg.

Me: Is she from The Island?

Justin: I'm pretty sure she is. I talk to her every day in math. She likes the same books I like and she thinks Katniss (the heroine of The Hunger Games) is a whiny, selfish bitch, too.

Me: Okay, so ask her out.

Killian: She has a boyfriend. That's why we need your purse.

(In case you're wondering - this is the purse in question. Sure, I could probably fit a small child in there, but a teenage boy is pushing it.) Justin: Your kid is right. It's the only way.

Me: Murder is the only way to get a girlfriend?

Justin: Look, I don't know who your kid killed to get a girlfriend as great as the one he has, but it must have been someone.

Me: Maybe he's just awesome and she sees that about him.

Justin: Or he drugged her. Did you drug her?

Killian: No, I didn't drug her.

Justin: Whatever. I don't believe you. I just know that this guy has to go, then I can move in with the comfort and sympathy.

Not-Kevin: And bingo-bango! Girlfriend!

Me: I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, guys.

Killian: Well if you're not gonna help us, maybe Siri will.

Then this happened.

Zach: Pick swamps. Swamps are good.

Me: Of course, Siri offers help for hiding a body. Not helping, Siri! And you guys wonder why I fear Skynet.

Sadly, (for Justin, anyway) Meg's boyfriend hasn't found his way into my purse or any of the other places Siri suggested.


Kris Norris said...

OMG!!! I soooo want to ride in your car. And you can tell the boys that if anyone is going to hide a body in your fabulous purse, it's me. I believe I have girl priority, and it's for a much better cause... mmuuuuhhhhaaaawwwwww. (I should have kept some of my mom's purses... she could have hid a family in them)

I've missed these posts. Please tell said boys to continue along this line... we all have needs.

April Riley said...

OMG... I can't breathe from laughing so hard... brought Tim back to look at the Siri part, and he is like... that's not real, right?... LOL
Gotta love boys...

Tess Grant said...

I love these posts! In the old pre-child days, I probably would not have been able to hide a body in my purse. I could probably get a good chunk of one in nowadays.

P.S. Katniss may be whiny and selfish, but she still kicks ass.

Margaret Yang said...

Okay, soooooo missing the point here, people!

How was the bacon apple bread????

Cinderella said...

LMAO Oh my goodness HAHAHA!! Loved it Siri is my kind of friend because I tell people I have a truck and will travel and I know were gators are to dispose of the bodies. No body or crime.LOL

Unknown said...

OMG I want to drive these boys. :)

WS Gager said...

So, I'm with Margaret. Where is the apple bread?

bookreader54 said...

OMG I love reading these stories. I can not believe some of the things they talk about. It is great that you are such a Cool Mom to let them bring you into their conversations.


Terri Doezema said...

good thing i downgraded to a smaller purse. don't want to find any bodies! your blog is always fun to read. :)

Kel said...

Silly boys. Everyone knows that if you kill the boyfriend NOW while she still likes him, you're doomed to listen to how awesome he was forever.

Wait until she's sick of him, then be sympathetic. Also, less jail time that way. :)

Chris said...

How bizarre. Siri will help you hide a body, but it won't help people find birth control...

BA Tortuga said...

*cackles happily*

Love it!! :D

Mia Watts said...

I love these boys. I also love you for being the cool mom for them and giving them free rein to be all boylike.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear lord - I am laughing so hard, I nearly peed. And on the heels of my daughter's first high school breakup....tell them there's more fish in the sea and do not pick swamp - go with grenade and blame it on natural disaster....(I tell my daughter that boys are like buses, another one will be along in 15 minutes and that's why I always pack a book in my giant mom bag of crazy!)

Hope the bread rocks and please keep up the posts! :)

gigis said...

That is hilarious...I want to ride in the car too. :)


Anna Mayle said...

So worth the wait! And I love that your boys are gamers, 'Bag of Holding' *snerk*. Perfect way to describe a mother's purse!

Congrats on being the coolest mommy ever!

and how was the bread? I have a friend who would kill for bacon apple bread.

Kimberley said...

I do love Riding in Cars with Boys posts... They make my day. I was thinking about them the other day when I was in Staples... Many Riding in Carss with Boys ago they talked about the Air Guitar and when I was in staples I saw an official air guitar. It is the head of a guitar with no strings - I cracked up laughing because I thouht of you guys...

Lisabet Sarai said...

These posts just remind me how old I am! Texting and iPhone assistants...who knew about stuff like that?

I think Kel's right, though.

Do "the boys" read your posts about them, btw?

Bronwyn Green said...

@ Kris - I've got a better place than my purse for *that* particular body!

@ April - Oh yeah, that was real! :D

@ Tess - Totally agree about Katniss!

@ Margaret - It was BEYOND amazing!!! :D

@ Cynthia - I'm thinking that Justin would want to be your friend. ;)

@ Amber - They're SO much fun!

@ Wendy - Go here for the recipe!

@ Martha - I feel really, really lucky!

@ T.L. - Thanks! :D

@ Kel - Brilliant! I'm SO pointing that out to them!

@ Chris - Siri...sigh...

@ B.A. - Glad you enjoyed it! :D

@ Mia - Awww, thanks hon. :)

@ Jenn - I'll definitely pass along the grenade suggestion - lol! I hope you're daughter's not too miserable.

@ Gigi - I think I need a van or something to take all the extra people along. :D

@ Anna - Thank you, hon! The bread was AWESOME! Go here for the recipe!

@ Kimberley - OMG! I remember that post! :D I can't believe there's an official air guitar!

@ Lisabet - Nope. At this point they don't even know that they exist. :D I'm putting together a book for them for graduation, though. :)