Friday, January 25, 2008

Bronwyn 0 - Kidneys 2

It's been a long week. I'm so relieved it's Friday. It's really been a festival of suck around here.

The mom of one of my son's friends committed suicide. I'm having trouble making sense of this myself, let alone trying to help Killian make sense of it. In the last five years, three people I know have made this particular choice, and all were parents with young kids.

As horrible as the first two deaths were, this woman's death seems worse. Maybe it's because she was around my age and we both have two boys. Maybe it's because the other two were men and not always around as far as parenting went. It might just be because I can't imagine doing something that would take me away from my kids like that.

This particular mom was very active in the school. She was funny, energetic, loved the kids and they all loved her, too. The funeral was yesterday. Most of my son's eighth grade class attended. I spend quite a bit of time at the school and know most of these kids pretty well. I can't tell you how hard it is to watch this group of 13 and 14 year olds dealing with this kind of grief and confusion. Most of the girls wept openly, but it was the boys that really got to me as they tried to be tough and keep from crying. It literally hurt my chest to watch the way they stood with hunched shoulders and hands shoved in their pockets, occasionally pulling them out to dash at their eyes with closed fists. The way they awkwardly hugged the boy who'd lost his mom was just as painful to watch.

I know it's impossible to protect kids from pain...and it's not even a good idea. God knows it's something that we all have to learn to deal with during the course of our lives, but sometimes I'd really like to shelter them. Hell, sometimes I'd like to shelter me...or the mom who felt like she had no other options.

In other slightly less depressing news, my kidneys...they still hate me. The infection is back. I get to go to the doctor's next week for an ultra sound of the rotten little buggers. yippee. On the plus side, I have an excuse for more of season six of Buffy. However, it seems kinda lame in spite of everything else.


Sommer Marsden said...

bleh. that it terrible and sad. i'm so sorry. feel v. better v. soon...

Colleen Gleason said...

Oh my God. How terrible. My heart is just breaking for that boy, all of those boys.

I'll be keeping them all in my prayers.

Molly Daniels said...

It's hard to know what to say or do when faced with a tragedy. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply show your love and be there for the survivors, no matter how 'tough' they feel they have to act. Your family is in my prayers, hon.

I had to explain to my oldest son, when he was in the 2nd grade, why his best friend's dad chose to kill his mom. So I kind of know what you're going through. Hang in there.

Anny Cook said...

Incomprehensible choices. What a terrible burden that woman must have carried behind her smiles. Give that boy a hug for us.

Kidneys... blech. Been there, bought the t-shirt and tried damned hard to burn it. My prayers for you. Feel well soon.

Phoenix said...

Yay a new blog. ARGGGG the lingering effects of suicide. I know you've been struggling with this result for a while, dear. Those boys look to the stable adults in their lives for support. With you knowing so many, you become one of those important examples.

And finally, Booooooo UTIs. I hate those things. Feel better soon.

Sandra Cox said...

I am so sorry. How terrible for everyone. Thinking of you, Bron.

Also hope you get your kidneys squared away:)


barbara huffert said...

How awful. What makes it worse is that no one will ever know why. Sending hugs.

L. Rosario said...

I have no idea what to even's one of those situations you can't possibly imagine - so sad :(

And sending positive thoughts your way that your kidneys stop giving you grief soon.
all my love and hugs!!!!

JacquƩline Roth said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news, honey. I can't imagine how hard it must be not just for the family but for all the others whose lives she touched and who must now make sense of this.

I had a student last year whose two year old brother was killed when a neighborhood boy "aired out their crib." Watching this tough kid try to deal with understanding this was heartbreaking.

Unknown said...

There is no ryhme or reason just sucks and people see no other way out

Your kidneys...are you drinking enough alcohol?

Margaret Yang said...

This just breaks my heart. Knowing that she was a mom like us makes it all the more terrible. Ohhhh, I can't stand it. (Hides with pillow over her head.)

Brynn Paulin said...

Feel better. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this pain in various varieties.

It's all-around terrible.

Sandra Cox said...

Hope you're feeling better, Bron.

Unknown said...

Oh my, Bronwyn. I'm so sorry for your son's friend, for your son, for you, for all the children in his class. I've never had to deal with this so I can only imagine. It was hard enough to deal with the mysterious death of my son's 26 year old friend this past August, an extremely pleasant young man that worked in the office next to me for a couple years.

I have a 13 year old boy myself and he's still my baby. I can't imagine leaving him or putting him through that kind of eternal pain.

I'll keep all of you in my prayers.

I also hope you'll be well soon.