Begone, January! Begone!

I've been a bad blogger this week - mostly because I've felt like crap, and I've been trying to keep up with my day job. I've had a rotten kidney infection since last Friday night, and I got in a lovely car accident on Thursday.

A (very nice) lady pulled out in front of me because apparently I was in her blind spot. Unfortunately, it was icy as hell, and I couldn't stop. Thankfully, I didn't have my kids with me, and neither one of us was badly hurt. I'm sore, and my car is out of commission for at least a week, but it could have been so much worse. The car is fixable, and she got the ticket. And I got a free loaner car even though it's not part of my insurance. (I think the body shop guy just felt sorry for me.) See? I'm trying to find the positive.

I've been trying to find the positive all month long, but mostly there's been a lot of stress, and I'm ready for it to go away. Usually, I like January - it's a new beginning. Everything seems fresh and clean. Anything seems possible. February, on the other hand, usually sucks ass and is the most miserable month of the year.

But, back to January...I can't think of a single person that I know who's had a great month. Sickness, job difficulties, surprise surgeries, deaths of loved ones, the list goes on. In retrospect, I feel pretty lucky - my kidneys will eventually like me again and Squishy (my car) will get fixed. I'm trying to be all zen about it. I'm also hoping that maybe this year, February and January are just switching places, and just maybe we've gotten all the crap out of the way for the rest of the year. I'm gonna go with that.

In the meanwhile, I think I might read a book. Not one that needs to be edited - or one that I need to work on in any way. In fact, I think it might even be completely devoid of sex. Gasp! If you're looking for a great book to read, head over to Writer's Evolution where we've been talking about reading outside our genres. I've list some of my all time faves, and I'd love to know what you're favorites are. Despite my limited time, I'm always looking for a good book.

Bronwyn 0 - Kidneys 2

It's been a long week. I'm so relieved it's Friday. It's really been a festival of suck around here.

The mom of one of my son's friends committed suicide. I'm having trouble making sense of this myself, let alone trying to help Killian make sense of it. In the last five years, three people I know have made this particular choice, and all were parents with young kids.

As horrible as the first two deaths were, this woman's death seems worse. Maybe it's because she was around my age and we both have two boys. Maybe it's because the other two were men and not always around as far as parenting went. It might just be because I can't imagine doing something that would take me away from my kids like that.

This particular mom was very active in the school. She was funny, energetic, loved the kids and they all loved her, too. The funeral was yesterday. Most of my son's eighth grade class attended. I spend quite a bit of time at the school and know most of these kids pretty well. I can't tell you how hard it is to watch this group of 13 and 14 year olds dealing with this kind of grief and confusion. Most of the girls wept openly, but it was the boys that really got to me as they tried to be tough and keep from crying. It literally hurt my chest to watch the way they stood with hunched shoulders and hands shoved in their pockets, occasionally pulling them out to dash at their eyes with closed fists. The way they awkwardly hugged the boy who'd lost his mom was just as painful to watch.

I know it's impossible to protect kids from pain...and it's not even a good idea. God knows it's something that we all have to learn to deal with during the course of our lives, but sometimes I'd really like to shelter them. Hell, sometimes I'd like to shelter me...or the mom who felt like she had no other options.

In other slightly less depressing news, my kidneys...they still hate me. The infection is back. I get to go to the doctor's next week for an ultra sound of the rotten little buggers. yippee. On the plus side, I have an excuse for more of season six of Buffy. However, it seems kinda lame in spite of everything else.

Warning: You may need some cheese with this whine.

So far, today has been annoying beyond words. I woke up feeling like someone had used my left kidney as a speed bag. Included with the pain is a nifty 101 degree fever.


After a brutal Anti-Cleaver morning in which my youngest child gave me The Rage, I dragged my sorry ass to the doctor only to sit for an hour and forty-five minutes while they tried to reach my new insurance company to verify that I was indeed covered.

I'm taking solace in ginormous antibiotic pills, cranberry-pomegranate juice and season six of Buffy.

To answer Fred's question from yesterday, the urn-y thing with the figure bent over it is a sculpture of Cerridwen stirring her cauldron of inspiration - hubby got it for me for Mother's Day one year. I think it's pretty nifty too. Here's a closer view of the coolness.

Sorry for being a whiny hag. I'm hoping for an infinately better day tomorrow.