I'm beginning to get a little concerned about my subcounscious...

Confession time: I keep having dreams about Lindsey Lohan.

Yes...that Lindsey Lohan.

I have no idea why. I don't particularly care for her. I think I've only ever seen one movie she's been in (Parent Trap) and that was because one of my daycare kids was watching it. But I keep having dreams about her.

It's starting to freak me out a little.

Last week, I dreamt that she was the keynote speaker for our conference and she was a nightmare - drunk and argumentative, she could barely stand at the podium to give her keynote address. She was so abusive to all the attendees that Jennifer Armintrout threw down with her bar room brawl style and kicked her ass.

Today, I dreamt that Lindsey spilled nail polish all over my couch. Then she dumped melted wax over one of my favorite skirts tie-dye skirts. I tried to get Jen to beat up Lindsey for me, but she wouldn't leave the vampire tent revival meeting on the cruise ship we were suddenly on even though they wouldn't let her in to the meeting.

Instead, she stood outside the entrance and sang church songs really loud. The vampires were understandably pissed. Then Suzanne Graham showed up and was flirting with the captain while Margaret Yang was trying to give a writing workshop and she and my friend Kellie J. were yelling at Suzanne to stop breathing so loudly.

I woke up totally confused and starting to feel a little phobic about Lindsey Lohan. I mean, it's not to the spiders, clowns and ventriloquist dummies stage yet, but a few more dreams like this and I'm sure it could get there! o.O

I have no idea what these dreams mean. They're insane. Or...maybe they mean that I am.

Thoughts?
Comments?
Apocalyptic prophesies?

Obama Doesn't Love Me

Well...it's something of a miracle. I finished my Halloween sewing two days early. This is pretty much unheard of in my house - but I'm not complaining.

I'm amazed, but not complaining.

In other weirdness, I had another bizarro dream this morning. Did you ever wake up from a dream where something made you angry in the dream and you wake up absolutely furious? Well, that was me this morning.

I dreamt that Barack Obama asked me out on a date, so of course I accepted - what am I, dumb? Apparently so, because he was taking me out to the Celebrity Rehab place to have dinner with Gary Busey (who frankly scares the bejeezus out of me) only when we got there, Gary was no where to be found. Instead, those girls from that show The Hills were there. After looking around, Obama said, "It's not clean enough to eat here."

So we left of the campaign bus and traveled sixty-some years back in time...to get an ice cream cone. We had a lovely time eating ice cream and chatting and just when it seemed like he was about to kiss me...he confessed how much he loves his wife.

I woke up right then and oh my God, was I pissed!!! Irrationally enraged. And then I laid there for a minute and thought about how ridiculous it was. It's not like I have a crush on him or anything...and yet there I was all cranky at 5 am because Barack loves Michelle more than me. My husband, however, thought it was hilarious.

I don't think there's any deep underlying meaning here - I think it just means that I'm on election overload. For another author having even better Barack Obama dreams, check out Jen Armintrout's blog.

Tuesday can't come soon enough!

Any Dream Interpreters Out There?

So I woke up this morning saying WTF?! (I’d like to preface the telling of this dream by saying I in no way hold any ill will toward either Portia Del Rossi or Ellen Degeneres. In fact, I love Ellen.

Okay, back to the regularly scheduled dream insanity.

In my dream, Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi had a baby – unfortunately, Portia died and somehow I was given the task of raising this child. The baby and I had to stay in the hospital while hospital workers tried to extract breast milk from Portia using an Easy Bake Oven and ‘reverse gravity.’ Yeah...don’t ask – I have no clue.

This was no normal baby. He grew from an infant to a toddler overnight. He was incredibly active and kept breaking his only toy. When we’d go to visit Ellen, I mentioned it to her and instead of helping us out by replacing the toy, she just showed me where I could stand in line in the hot, hot sun with a cranky toddler to get it fixed using chewed gum and scotch tape.

Later I took the baby and my other kids to visit my mom – I thought she’d want to meet her new grandson. Instead of her neighbourhood, she now lived at the end of a two-track in the woods. Unfortunately, the road to her house was riddled with piles of hot tar and burning tires so I had to utilize stunt driving techniques I didn’t know I possessed.

When we got there, my brother’s girlfriend was hurling shoes (one of each pair that she owns – which holy cow, in real life is a metric ton – in the dream, it was never ending) at my brother and my mom. She stopped briefly when I came in with the kids, took one look at the baby, screamed and ran away.

So...thoughts? Comments? Apocalyptic prophesies?

Anyone? Anyone at all?

Oh hey!! Don't forget about the Halloween contest! Free books, people! Free books!