For those keeping score at home, Matt's still in Singapore and I won't be seeing him until the 14th or 15th of October, so I'm doing the Dance of the Single Parent. Which, to be fair, isn't too bad. The boys are great, and it's not like they're toddlers or something.While I miss their toddlerhood, I'd rather do the dance with teenagers.
I don't sleep well when he's not here, and that's what I blame the following on. Lack of sleep. We just finished up the second full week of school and I foolishly agreed to let Corwin have an overnight with some of his friends from his old school. Four of them to be exact. So there are six teenage boys in my house right now.
I'll go ahead and let that sink in for a minute.
Six. Teenage. Boys.
One of them does the best Gollum impression I've ever heard. Seriously, this kid is amazing. However, he won't. stop. talking.
At all.
It's all Gollum all the time. He's now proposing marriage via google video chat to girls from his school. Unsurprisingly, there are no takers.
I just talked to Matt via skype. He's twelve hours ahead us, and he's never been so happy to be working away from home.
EDIT: One of the other kids is now doing Dr. Evil.
It's gonna be a long night.
Showing posts with label Teenage Pickup Techniques. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teenage Pickup Techniques. Show all posts
Friday, September 14, 2012
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Riding In Cars With Boys...The Next Installment
So, I'm picking up Killian, Justin and Mitchell last week and they all throw themselves in the car because it's freezing out and Mitchell is singing along with his iTouch. Badly.
Justin: Mitchell! Are you freaking singing an Owl City song?!
Mitchell: (sheepishly) Yeah
Justin: Seriously dude, you're only supposed to put them on your iPod so chicks think you're sensitive. You're not supposed to like that shit!
Mitchell: I can't help it. It's catchy.
me: Wait, so you guys put music you hate on your mp3 players so that girls, on the off chance that they're scrolling through your playlist, will think you're sensitive?
Justin: Yes Mrs. Killian's Mommy, it's girl shorthand for "do we have anything in common?" Why do you think I have Paramore on there?"
me: Not because you like them, I'm guessing.
Justin: See, girls always want to see what kind of music you like, so I quick scroll past Children of Bodem, Devildriver, Job for a Cowboy and all of the rest of the death metal before I hand them my mp3 player. Then they say stuff like "OMG! You like Paramore?" And I say, "It's on my playlist, isn't it?" You gotta say it like that, 'cause it's not cool to lie to the ladies.
me: Wow...you've really thought this out. Hey Killian, do you have music you hate on your zune to pickup girls?
Killian: No. The right girl will have good taste in music.
At this point, I'm cracking up and Justin is playing air guitar to some Devildriver song.
Mitchell: Dude, you're playing your guitar wrong. You're not gonna get the right notes that way.
A sudden silence descends over the car. After a long pause, Justin speaks.
Justin: I'm not going to get the notes right...on my air guitar,
Mitchell: Yeah. Your hand is too far up the neck and you're getting the chords all wrong.
Justin: I'm getting the chords all wrong. On my air guitar.
Mitchell: Yeah, dude.
Justin: Mitchell...is your air guitar real?
Mitchell: Yeah. it says 'Les Paul 1968' on it.
Justin: Mine says 'I-ma-gin-ar-y' on it...for that is what it is.
me: I'm totally blogging about this.
Justin: (nodding sagely) I am indeed blogworthy.
At this point I have to pull over because I'm laughing so hard. Later we drop off Justin who's still shaking his head at Mitchell and Killian takes Justin's place in the front seat. Mitchell leans forward and starts playing with Killian's hair.
Mitchell: Dude...do you use product in your hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell
Mitchel: Do you blow dry your hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell.
Mitchell: You should blow dry and use products. Chicks dig good hair. I have awesome hair. Don't you think I have awesome hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell.
me: You do have great hair, Mitchell.
Mitchell: I know, right? But seriously, dude - product and blow dryer.
Killian: No. And oh my God, Mitchell, quit touching my freaking hair!!!
I'm actually going to miss driving these dorks to and from school for the next couple weeks. If you missed the first installment, you can see it here.
Justin: Mitchell! Are you freaking singing an Owl City song?!
Mitchell: (sheepishly) Yeah
Justin: Seriously dude, you're only supposed to put them on your iPod so chicks think you're sensitive. You're not supposed to like that shit!
Mitchell: I can't help it. It's catchy.
me: Wait, so you guys put music you hate on your mp3 players so that girls, on the off chance that they're scrolling through your playlist, will think you're sensitive?
Justin: Yes Mrs. Killian's Mommy, it's girl shorthand for "do we have anything in common?" Why do you think I have Paramore on there?"
me: Not because you like them, I'm guessing.
Justin: See, girls always want to see what kind of music you like, so I quick scroll past Children of Bodem, Devildriver, Job for a Cowboy and all of the rest of the death metal before I hand them my mp3 player. Then they say stuff like "OMG! You like Paramore?" And I say, "It's on my playlist, isn't it?" You gotta say it like that, 'cause it's not cool to lie to the ladies.
me: Wow...you've really thought this out. Hey Killian, do you have music you hate on your zune to pickup girls?
Killian: No. The right girl will have good taste in music.
At this point, I'm cracking up and Justin is playing air guitar to some Devildriver song.
Mitchell: Dude, you're playing your guitar wrong. You're not gonna get the right notes that way.
A sudden silence descends over the car. After a long pause, Justin speaks.
Justin: I'm not going to get the notes right...on my air guitar,
Mitchell: Yeah. Your hand is too far up the neck and you're getting the chords all wrong.
Justin: I'm getting the chords all wrong. On my air guitar.
Mitchell: Yeah, dude.
Justin: Mitchell...is your air guitar real?
Mitchell: Yeah. it says 'Les Paul 1968' on it.
Justin: Mine says 'I-ma-gin-ar-y' on it...for that is what it is.
me: I'm totally blogging about this.
Justin: (nodding sagely) I am indeed blogworthy.
At this point I have to pull over because I'm laughing so hard. Later we drop off Justin who's still shaking his head at Mitchell and Killian takes Justin's place in the front seat. Mitchell leans forward and starts playing with Killian's hair.
Mitchell: Dude...do you use product in your hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell
Mitchel: Do you blow dry your hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell.
Mitchell: You should blow dry and use products. Chicks dig good hair. I have awesome hair. Don't you think I have awesome hair?
Killian: No. Quit touching my hair, Mitchell.
me: You do have great hair, Mitchell.
Mitchell: I know, right? But seriously, dude - product and blow dryer.
Killian: No. And oh my God, Mitchell, quit touching my freaking hair!!!
I'm actually going to miss driving these dorks to and from school for the next couple weeks. If you missed the first installment, you can see it here.
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