Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Riding in Cars with Boys - Part Six

Well the school year is over - thankfully! I thought I'd only have one more Riding in Cars With Boys posts, but I actually have two! YAY!

A few weeks before Prom, we passed a burgundy minivan covered with white paint. It said, Will you go to Prom with me? Answer on my car."

Justin: Well that's just stupid.

Me: I dunno. It's kinda sweet.

Justin: No it's not, and here's why. What if she doesn't know who asked her?

Killian: Or doesn't know which car is his?

Not-Kevin: Or doesn't have paint to write her answer?

Justin: Meh. She could always scratch in her answer with her key.

Killian: That would suck if she got the wrong car.

Justin: If I were gonna ask a girl to Prom like that, I'd sit on the roof of my van and it would have a sail made out of a bed sheet and one of those poles, like a on a ship.

Killian: You mean a mast?

(I'm sure you can feel the sarcasm from there)

Justin: Yeah. A mast. And one of those wooden steering wheels.

Killian: Uh...a helm?

Justin: I don't know - is that what it's called?

Killian: Yeah.

Justin: How do you even know that stuff?

Killian: I'm not stupid. Besides...Pirates. It's important to know stuff about them.

Justin: Touche.

Mitchell: Seriously, dude. Even I know that.

Not-Kevin: You know, if we were pirates, we could sail to Girl Island.

Me: Girl Island?

Killian: It's a magical place.

Justin: A magical place full of hot girls who love nerds.

Not-Kevin: I want to sail there.

Me: I have news for you. Girl Island is called college.

Boys: Ohhhhhhhhhhh

After we dropped off Not-Kevin, the overly sweet scent of strawberries wafted through the car.

Justin: (sniffing frantically) What is that smell? I smell strawberries!

Killian: OhMyGod I want strawberries so bad. Can we get strawberries? Now?

Justin: Seriously! Where's it coming from?

Mitchell: (Sheepishly holding out a tube of lip balm) My lips are cracked.

Justin: (Looking from Mitchell to Killian and finally back to Mitchell with an expression of sheer incredulousness.) Dude...you're a chick!

Last week, they had final exams, and they all piled into the car bitching about how lame their exams were. Apparently long doesn't equal challenging. Except for Mitchell. He insisted that all of his were hard.

Not-Kevin: Wanna know what I hate?

Me: Absolutely.

Not-Kevin: Skanks.

Me: What's up with the skanks?

Not-Kevin: I hate the way that they think that because they're pretty that entitles them to cheat off my test. I don't exist for the entire year and because they smile at me and flash some cleavage I'm supposed to share my answers. I think not.

Killian: Lindsey? She drives me nuts. I can't stand the sound of her voice.

Justin: The one who whines all the time and talks through her nose?

Killian: Yeah. I wish she'd just shut up. And stop looking at my work.

Mitchell: She's orange.

Killian: Like a bleach blonde miniskirt wearing oompa loompa.

Justin: She gets excused absences to go tanning.

Not-Kevin: And some day her face will look like an old leather wallet.

Justin: I'm pretty sure that day is tomorrow.

You know what makes me happy about all this? They're completely aware of the fact that girls like Lindsey are looking to use them and they're not falling for it. Well done, guys. Well done.


Temple Hogan said...

As a mother, you have to be proud they're aware of being used, as a woman who still remembers being a girl don't you feel a little sorry at how cynical and knowing they are? Nah! I had boys too. Boys are terrific. They grow into great men! Especially when they have a wise mom who actually listens to them.

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

I so love boys. They are such delightful characters - especially yours!

Cait said...

Oh Girl Island, sometimes I wish I never had to leave.

And in my home there, we called all the Lindsays "crispy bitches."

Carol Lynne said...

Hey, Bron, I'm going to need something fun to do for about 4 weeks come next week. Do you think the "Boys" would be willing to take a Greyhound to Kansas and entertain me? I could take them out to a field and teach them all how to drive? Then the segments could be called "Riding in Cars with Boys and Screaming"

Jambrea said...

Your boys are great. Thank you again for sharing them with us. :)

And...I'm waiting for Carol's post when the boys get there. ROFL!

Molly Daniels said...

Hahahahaha....can't wait until next fall:) I agree; send 'em to Carol!

Seriously...you should be proud.

Chris said...

Where were these boys when I was in high school?!?!

Oh, dear gawd, my veri is bonest. Heh. I'll let you all imagine wicked defs for it.

Paris said...

Great post! I always love finding a new installment. Of course, I have to remember not to drink coffee while I read:-)

Unknown said...

I love boys and these ones definitely have those girls pegged. Good for them. :)

Anonymous said...


Me: I have news for you. Girl Island is called college.

Boys: Ohhhhhhhhhhh

That's gotta be the best motivational speech I've ever heard.

Mia Watts said...

Oompa Loompas, Skanks, and girl island all in one post!?!?!? It's like boyzincarz jackpot!!!

I officially hate summer. When do they get to start school again?

Margaret Yang said...

Can't breathe. Laughing. Too. Hard.

I know that it's hard to be the carpool mom every single day, (especially in the winter) but I am sooooo glad that you share your experiences with us.

Genella deGrey said...

"A magical place full of hot girls who love nerds."


Girl Island has a HUGE sign at the entrance:

No SKANKS allowed

Drama Queen said...

lol they are a hoot TY for all the fun

Bronwyn Green said...

@ Temple - honestly, I feel a little sorry for girls, because how sad is it that they're resorting to this kind of crappy behavior.

@ Julia - Thanks! I think they're pretty delightful, too.

@ Cait - Ah, the crispy bitches. There's a whole lotta crispy going on at that school.

@ Carol - You'd have to be prepared to to feed them. Do you have any idea how much food those four can eat?! But I do think your idea might be a good one. ;)

@ Jambrea - I'm just glad you enjoy them as much as I do. :)

@ Molly - Believe me, I'm SO proud!

@ Chris - I know, right?! (bonest...lol)

@ Paris - I try to never drink anything when I'm driving them. It never ends well.

@ Amber - I love boys so much - and to think, I'd always wanted girls. Silly me!

@ Rachel - LOL - Thanks! It's not often I get to give a good motivational speech. :)

@ Mia - After Labor Day, and as much as I'm enjoying not hauling my butt out of bed at the asscrack of dawn, I'm looking forward to quality car time.

@ Margaret - I'm just glad you love my boys as much as I do! They make all the crappy driving worthwhile. :)

@ Genella - I think college has never looked so appealing to those boys! :D

Kris Norris said...


I absolutely love those boys.

Though, sadly, skanks do inhabit Girl Island...but luckily they go out with the equally obnoxious... Look at my Man boobs, kind of guys... the ones who sneak in with the geeks, then bare their mighty chests for all to see...

I can't wait to see what comes up next. And it's awesome they recognize the ones who are only out to use them... good job boys, good job.

OMG.. my verification word...not one vowel... looked like a bowl of greek soup (no offence of course... but really.. not one e or a?)

Stephani Hecht said...

OMG! I just loved this.

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hi, Bron,

Another wonderful post! It reminds me why I've always loved nerds.


Janna said...

I'm going to miss the 'Riding in Cars with Boys' posts this summer! I love those boys' wit! :)

JacquƩline Roth said...

I love your boys! They remind me of my favorite students.