What? No laugh track?

So, I attempted to put the creamer back in the fridge.

It didn't go well.

I knocked the vat of salsa off the top shelf. Then when I was bending over to pick it up, the creamer bottle fell out, bounced off my head and hit the floor. The flip-top lid broke and creamer spewed everywhere. Brand new bottle, of course.

I sopped it up with a towel then bent over to clean up the mess with a washrag. I slipped a little on the wet floor and caught myself on the fridge door where I managed to simultaneously push the water and ice dispenser levers.

I managed to shoot freezing cold water in my left ear and catch chunks of ice behind the lens of my glasses.

You understand why I was moderately surprised by the lack of sitcom laugh track.

Oh, the stupid things I do...

So, a few days ago I had to stop at the bank, so I pulled up into a parking spot right in front and went inside. When I got out, I noticed a woman, standing behind my car lighting a cigarette with several shopping bags and her purse sitting on top of my trunk. I have to admit, I thought that was a little ballsy, but I ignored it, walked to the door and pulled it open only to realize...it wasn't my car! In fact, I even exclaimed, "Holy shit! This isn't my car!"

The woman didn't say, "Duh!" But she didn't have to. It was all over her face. I apologized profusely, while quickly walking to my own car which was parked next to it. She muttered. A lot. I'm not exactly sure what she said. I'm not sure I want to know.

In my defense, her car was a gray four-door. However, it wasn't even close to the same shade of gray, nor was it the same make and model. Hell, it wasn't even really the same shape. Oh well, at least I didn't get in it. That counts for something. Right?

New Personal Best

Okay, so I've been working on a deadline that's been kicking my ass, but I'm happy to say that I win!

I mean...I'm done!

This weekend, I wrote my ass off (I wish) and superseded all previous personal records! Over the past three days, I wrote 10,054 words. Granted, I had to delete 573 of them because they were stupid, but screw that! I'm counting them anyway, because I wrote them! I know plenty of people who can write way faster than that in a shorter period of time, but for me, this is amazing!

All this was accomplished in addition to grocery shopping, cooking meals, watching a few "must-see" youtube videos with Corwin and playing several rounds of Ninja Pig with Killian.

Of course, my brain is now jello and my wrist is wrapped in an ace bandage because my carpal tunnel drama is trying to kill me, but the important thing here is that I'm done!!!!

Seriously?

For fuck's sake.

So this morning, after a week off for Spring Break, I'm trying to get ready to drive the kids to school. Everything is fine until I get out of the shower, and I attempt to put the leave-in conditioner in my hair.

Some tiny part of my brain registered that the bottle seemed to be spraying a larger amount than usual and that it smelled funny, but apparently that wasn't enough for me to get a clue. Like normal, I bent at the waist and worked the stuff through my hair only to notice an odd bottle sitting on the counter as I stood. Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, I worked a whole handful of Spray and Wash Stain Remover into my hair. Yeah, you read that right. Spray and wash. Stain remover in my hair.

At least it's not as bad as the time when I accidentally shaved part of my head when Corwin was a newborn. I thought I'd picked up the pick to work the conditioner through my hair, only it was the razor and I took off a good chunk of hair off the top of my head. I didn't eve n realize it until I ended up with a handful of hair. There was a lot of barrette wearing for a while after that little incident.

So here's hoping the Spray and Wash doesn't ruin my hair. I clearly wasn't meant to function coherently at the asscrack of dawn.