Bittersweet

Today is the first day of school for the 2011 - 2012 school year. I know most parents are overjoyed about their kids going back to school. I'm not one of them. All for purely selfish reasons.

Some are obvious. I like sleep. I don't like getting up two and a half hours earlier than normal so I can get them to school on time. I really don't like spending three and a half to four hours a day in the car driving them and their friends back and forth because damn, it cuts way too much time out of my work day.

Yeah, I know I made that decision when I decided to send them out of district so they could get an actual education as opposed to experience the crowd control method of teaching our local schools offer. And I don't regret it, but it is exhausting. Also, I genuinely like spending time with them. They're hilarious and genuinely sweet kids.

Other reasons I'm not crazy about the start of this school year is because it feels like the beginning of the end. Killian is starting his senior year and will be seventeen in three days. Corwin is starting eighth grade - his last year before high school begins for him. They're not babies anymore. Of course, they'll always be my babies, but I don't imagine I'll be rocking them to sleep anytime soon, or having them sit on my lap while I read them stories or just for a cuddle. I love the young men they're growing into, but I miss those days more than I can tell you.

And here's the thing. I'm lucky. I'm so damn lucky. I have my boys. So many people have lost their children to illness, accident or catastrophe. I get to see what comes next. I don't have to wonder what might have been.

Job-wise, this fall is going to be a little crazy-pants, but I'm going to try to be as present and in the moment as I can, because really, this - this life with these kids - is the most important thing I'll ever do.

So, I hope you'll forgive me. I've got a little something something in my eye.